Break Down Here

For the last couple weeks I've had a song stuck in my head.  It's from several years ago.  "Break Down Here" by Julie Roberts.  And why is this song stuck in my head?  I'm pretty sure it's because I feel like my body is breaking down.  Every run the last 2 weeks has been a struggle. A slow struggle. Now before you panic on my behalf, this feeling is part of the process.  And probably my body is breaking down, but it has to break down in order to get stronger.  Personally, I'd rather just skip over the breaking down and go straight to stronger.  Being strong physically, is only part of what is needed for a marathon.

Let's skip right over and talk about the other part of marathon training - mental toughness.  Here's the deal, the marathon is at least ten times more about mental toughness than it is about physical strength.  You can train your body to do almost anything.  I completely believe that.  The mind seems to be less easy to train.  This is going to be my third marathon.  But this is going to be my first marathon that has a half marathon option.  In my previous marathons, everyone ran 26.2 miles. In this one, lots of people will veer off around mile 12.5 and be receiving their pretty blue Tiffany box when I am only half way through the race.  Talk about mental toughness, it will take a lot of digging deep to keep going past that turn.

Today has been a crappy day.  And that is saying it nicely.  I have a lot of bad words I could use to swear at this day.  I felt this way about my long run 2 weeks ago.  It was terrible, awful, no good and very bad (yes, that's a children's book).  On terrible days and awful runs I try to look for the good.  I can't help it.  Sure, I like to gripe and complain a lot especially for effect, but deep down I'm optimist as pure as they come.  I came to the same conclusion today that I did at the end of that run a couple weeks ago. I am grateful.  

I'm grateful that I am strong and healthy enough to run.  When I first got involved with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society over 4 years ago, I had no personal connection to cause.  At that point I'd only met one person who had a blood cancer and that was when I was a kid.  And that's reason, I got involved. Because no doctor had ever had to look at me and tell me my child was sick.  I have no idea how it feels to have to take my child for cancer treatments every week for 3 years (standard treatment for a boy with Leukemia). And for that I'm extremely grateful.  When I want to give up on a crappy run or feel like this is the worst possible day (this one is particularly crappy), I remind myself that I'm lucky.  And I continue to beg and plead with my friends to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, so that when a mom gets the unthinkable news that her child has cancer or when a coworker's mom gets diagnosed with a blood cancer I know that there's an organization fighting for a cure. Please join me in fighting for a cure by making a donation on my team in training page.   

Dublin Marathon - Race Day

It felt a little strange not to get up before dawn for a race.  But the marathon wasn't starting until 10 am and our hotel was only a couple blocks from the start line, so there was no need to get up extra early.  This is the first race I've participated in with such a late start.  I must say, I liked it.  

After we got ready, we met some of our Team in Training Teammates for breakfast in our hotel.   This gave us plenty of time to go back up to our room 7 times for all of the things we'd forgotten or changed our mind about taking with us.  We walked over to the start line about 9:30. 

As we are standing there waiting for the race to start, I had a thousand different thoughts.  Everything from admiring the great city to sheer terror and panic.  At the expo I had picked up a pace bracelet to finish in 5:30.  Honestly, my main goal was survival, and by survival I mean crossing the finish line upright and smiling. And I really hoped for less than 6 hours.  I kept looking at the bracelet wondering if I could really finish and if, by some small miracle, I could do it in 5:30.

Go TEAM!

Next thing I know the gun is going off, and we are running.  I'd planned on running 3/1 intervals for the race.  But I wanted to warm up with just a slow jog. It was several minutes after I'd crossed the start line that it dawns on me I haven't started my watch yet.  Well crap...the usefulness of the pace bracelet is pretty much gone now.  I knew I'd started with about 14 minutes on the clock already.  But I had no idea how long I'd run before I started my watch.  Geez.  Not the best way to start the race.

It was easy to forget about my timing problems as I'm running by Trinity College, the place Bram Stoker grew up, and all sorts of other beautiful places.  As I see the first mile marker, I remind myself my goal is slow and steady. I spend the next mile going deliberately slower.  I didn't even look at my pace until around mile 4.  Surprisingly and a little concerning, I was under the pace I needed to be at to finish under 5:30. 

Mile 4 also started the part of the race that was in Phoenix Park.  This is easily one of the most gorgeous parks I've run in.  Two other things happened at mile 4.  I turned on my ipod for the first time, and I finally felt warmed up.  Feeling pretty good, I ran through most of my intervals miles 4 - 10.  I was also still pacing to finish under 5:30.  Which is great, but I didn't put much faith in my projected time at this point.  I was sure the end was going to kick my butt.

One of coaches said she would be between mile 11 - 13 and would run with us some.  So when my feet cramped and I really wanted to take some pain medicine (no lectures here please, I needed this), I bargained with myself that I would wait until after I saw her or at 13 whichever came first. At mile 13 I hadn't seen her yet so I took some Tylenol knowing it would give me a little boost.

At some point here or just after several of the water stops were running out or had run out of water.  The previous stops had been giving out bottles of water and sports drinks, so I had some fluid.  I ran through 3 stops that were out of water.  Just as I was getting really concerned and thinking about ducking into a store and buying some, the next stop had water (thank goodness). 

I tried very hard at mile 13 not to think about the fact that I was only halfway through the race or that if this was a half marathon I'd already have my medal and be on my way to breakfast/lunch.  This is also the point in the race, where I know I have to start sticking to my intervals and not running extra because I'm afraid I'll burnout otherwise.  Sometime between 13 and 17, I pass a building that has a sign advertising Tennessee Fried Chicken!  What?! I was so excited.  I stopped to take a picture (the picture didn't come out, ugh).  The owners of the building came out and I'm pretty sure I babbled something about being from Tennessee.  I think they were a little surprised by my excitement.

Around mile 17, I found our coach, Sami, and she ran with me for a mile or mile and a half.  It was so great to have her run with me and distract me from the fact my feet and legs were yelling at me to stop.  And it was so much better having her here than it would have been having her at 11. A funny, unexpected thing happened here.  I passed two of my teammates who I thought were way ahead of me.  This gave me a much bigger boost than I could have anticipated.  I was feeling great and still pacing to finish under 5:30. 

At mile 20 it started to rain.  I can't complain too much.  I did choose to run this race in Ireland, rain would most certainly be part of it.  I was ok with a little rain.  At first, it felt pretty good.  Then it kept raining.  Then it rained harder.  I'm not going to lie the last 6.2 miles seemed really long.  The rain made it even longer.  But I was still feeling pretty good. 

I'm not sure I ever hit the infamous "wall".  But when my watch died at mile 24, it was pretty disheartening.  I was mostly disappointed that I didn't have set intervals anymore.  So I would run and then walk. Then walk some more, then run.  I'm quite certain at this point I'm kissing 5:30 goodbye.  The last 2 miles were ridiculously long.  As I mentioned our hotel was only a few blocks from the start and even closer to the finish.  So imagine my surprise when I pass our hotel only to see the mile 25 marker.  What?!  NO.  I know exactly where the finish is and I'm moving away from it!  This was the worst feeling I had during the whole race.  But it didn't last long.  The reality and emotion knowing I'm just a mile away from finishing my first marathon set it. 

Elation is what I felt for the last half mile or so.  I'd gotten some great advice a few days before the race.   It was to pause when I'm sure I'm going to finish, to take a couple minutes to reflect on my accomplishments, the work and sacrifices that has gone into preparing to meet this goal and to really be in the moment of realizing I'd met my goal.  I'm not sure I have words to describe crossing the finish line.  It was amazing and possibly the best feeling I've ever had.  And I finished in 5:22.  I'm not sure exactly how that happened.  But I'm so happy with my time!

It pretty much stopped raining about the time I finished.  I walked back to our hotel hoping I could change and get back down in time to see Mark come by our hotel.  The timing of it worked out perfectly.  He came by the hotel just as I walked out.  I was worried I wouldn't be able to get back to him at the finish line.  When I told him I would meet him at the hotel, I could see the disappointment in his face.  So I decided to go back to the finish and see if they'd let me in.  Luckily, I got a great spot and where I could see him finish and actually crossed the finish line with him.

I'm so proud of him!  He finished in 6:09 and he'd been worried he'd need more than the allotted 7 hours.  He'd also been injured during training and didn't get in as much training as he'd like to have done.  But he was able to run his intervals the whole race, and he finished strong!

A few things I want to mention here.  If you are running a race in a different country or far from home, I strongly suggest you do it with a team (preferably Team in Training).  They had staff support people along the course cheering you on and they had supplies if you needed anything.  They also had coaches on the course.  Two coaches, in addition to our coach, ran with me during the race.  It was a huge mental boost. 

There were definitely places I think the race officials could improve.  In my opinion, there is no reason to ever run out of water.  Also, when I finished they only had small and extra small finisher shirts left.  There was almost 2 hours of official time left at this point.  When Mark finished, they'd already taken down the backdrop for the official finisher photos.  It was a little disappointing.  If the race has a 7 hour time limit, I'd like to think the people who finish in 6:59 get the same as the people who finish in 3:00.  But, I'm definitely not focusing on these things. 

The spectators were awesome!!  They yelled out "well done" as we passed them.  It was great.  It helps that I love their accent so it was fun to hear the whole time.  There were lots of kids along the course giving high fives and a few really great kids with fruit and cheese. 

I was under the false impression that the course was flat.  It was definitely not flat.  They even had signs printed and posted as we were going up the hills.  However, the hills weren't as bad as they could have been.  Strangely, it was kind of a nice break to go up and, especially, down. 

The race course was awesome.  It was beautiful. And it helped that I was (mostly) unfamiliar with the course.  I think the new things to see around every turn made great distractions.  Before the race, I was sure by the end I would swear off ever doing a full marathon again.  But I actually had the exact opposite feeling.  I'm excited to plan my next marathon.  And maybe someday an ultra marathon. 

See You Soon Dublin

I can't believe that this time tomorrow I will be in the air on my way to Dublin!  And in just over 4 days I will be running my first marathon!  It's finally starting to sink in that this is actually happening.

Mark and I are so extremely grateful to every single person who contributed to our fundraising efforts to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through Team in Training.  Whether it was a dollar or $350, each donation meant a lot to us and fueled us to continue fundraising and training.  We are waiting on the last batch of checks we mailed in to be posted but our total should be just over $11,000.  We could not have done it without so much support from so many people.  There is no way to say thanks enough.  And most importantly we are $11,000 closer to curing blood cancer!

I also can't say thanks enough to all of the positive comments and all the encouragement we've received.  Just thinking about how many people have reached out and encouraged us in the last 5 months astounds me and gives me so much confidence.

I'm a bundle of nervous energy right now!  I'm, of course, nervous about the race itself.  I'm also a little bit of a nervous about the flight. My goal is to sleep through most of the flight, which will be helpful since when we arrive in Dublin it will be 8:45 am.  And in order to get my body on Dublin time I'm not going to sleep until that night. 

My mantra until and during the race is - "I'm trained. I'm ready. I am an endurance athlete."  I throw the last one in because, while it's true, it also makes me smile and think about all the fabulous training I've had with Fleet Feet and my great running friends! 

Our race is on Monday (Halloween).  It starts at 10 a.m. Dublin time.  Which should be pretty early in Nashville.  My main goal for the race is to finish it smiling and to soak up the experience.  I'd like to finish in 5:35 to 5:45, but I'll be happy with anything under 6.  Sometime after the race is over, I should be able to post on Facebook that we are finished.  Also, I hope to update here too.  

We are thankful for any prayers, happy thoughts, good vibes and other mojo you want to send our way during our trip and race.

I Hate Cancer

When we are little, we are taught not to use the word hate.  It's something I teach our boys.  Hate is word I don't use lightly.  Mostly, I'm a lover, not a hater.  But, I can't bring myself to use any other word in conjunction with cancer.  I don't dislike it or feel lukewarm about it. I simply hate it.

With that said, a lot of good and a lot of love come as a result of cancer, and for that, I'm thankful.  I think you see the best in people during hard and trying times.  However, if cancer ceased to exist, I'd be more than ok with it.

I can't list all the people I know who have battled cancer.  It would take too long, and you'd probably stop reading.  My heart is so full of love and prayer, for my friend, Sherry Ellis, who was just diagnosed with colon cancer a few days ago.  She's handling it with a positive attitude and peacefulness that can only come through God.  I'm in awe of her and proud to be her friend.

Everytime I hear of a friend having cancer or meet someone like Tanner Page and her mom Beth, I have the same feeling.  The feeling is hard to describe...but it's a desperate, helpless feeling.  I like to fix things and make them better.  But cancer is something, I can't easily fix.  I know I can pray and I do.  But I NEED something to physically do. 

So, I run.  It seems simple.  Running.  How does it help?  Beyond all the personal benefits, it gives me a platform to fundraise and create awareness.  As I'm sure you all already know, Mark and I are training for our first full marathon with Team in Training.  I'm immensely excited about the marathon and the trip.  But I'm even more excited to know what I'm doing is making a difference and changing lives.  Team in Training benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, which specifically provides funds for research and patient support to blood cancer patients.  But often the research reaches to other forms of cancer. 

If you are interested in supporting our efforts our website is http://pages.teamintraining.org/tn/dublin11/emilymark.

A Reason to Run

Here we are making silly faces with Tanner

Five months from today, Mark and I will be running our first marathon in Dublin.  We are training for this race as a part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training.  We have to raise $10,000 in order to participate.  At this point, I'm not sure which is scarier, running 26.2 miles or raising $10,000.  Of course as I say this, I immediately think however hard this is, it's nothing compared to having a child with Leukemia. 

Our inspiration for this race is a sassy, seven year old girl named Tanner Page.  Tanner was diagnosed with Leukemia (ALL) in June 2009.  She has a very good prognosis and is responding to treatment well.  She will finish her treatment this year (girls with Leukemia have treatments for 2 years.  it's 3 years for boys).  As you can imagine, it's been a very difficult thing for her to deal with on a socially.  But when you see her, she's so full of energy and life.  It makes me certain if this little girl (and her amazing family) can go through this, then surely we can run a marathon and raise $10,000.

Speaking of the $10,000, what does this money go to?  75% or more of the funds we raise will go directly to support the mission of The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS).  The other 25% will go to cover costs associated with the race and training. LLS funds a lot of researchers.  Since they have been participating in research survival rates have dramatically increased.  They also use the funds for patient support.  This includes (but it's definitely not limited to) co-pay assistance, patient literature, support groups, staff and much more.

We have been involved with LLS for 3 years with the Man Woman of the Year campaign. In 2009, I was a Woman of the Year candidate. The next year I co-chaired the campaign and Mark was a very active campaign volunteer. This year I am serving as the campaign chair and Mark is mentoring a candidate. When we started as volunteers, we didn't have a personal connection. Since then we've met so many people who's lives have been changed because of a blood cancer.  It is an amazing organization. 

We ask that you please join us in our race to raise vital funds to wipe out blood cancers.  Please visit our fundraising site to make a donation. 

Thank you so much for all of your support!!