For the last couple weeks I've had a song stuck in my head. It's from several years ago. "Break Down Here" by Julie Roberts. And why is this song stuck in my head? I'm pretty sure it's because I feel like my body is breaking down. Every run the last 2 weeks has been a struggle. A slow struggle. Now before you panic on my behalf, this feeling is part of the process. And probably my body is breaking down, but it has to break down in order to get stronger. Personally, I'd rather just skip over the breaking down and go straight to stronger. Being strong physically, is only part of what is needed for a marathon.
Let's skip right over and talk about the other part of marathon training - mental toughness. Here's the deal, the marathon is at least ten times more about mental toughness than it is about physical strength. You can train your body to do almost anything. I completely believe that. The mind seems to be less easy to train. This is going to be my third marathon. But this is going to be my first marathon that has a half marathon option. In my previous marathons, everyone ran 26.2 miles. In this one, lots of people will veer off around mile 12.5 and be receiving their pretty blue Tiffany box when I am only half way through the race. Talk about mental toughness, it will take a lot of digging deep to keep going past that turn.
Today has been a crappy day. And that is saying it nicely. I have a lot of bad words I could use to swear at this day. I felt this way about my long run 2 weeks ago. It was terrible, awful, no good and very bad (yes, that's a children's book). On terrible days and awful runs I try to look for the good. I can't help it. Sure, I like to gripe and complain a lot especially for effect, but deep down I'm optimist as pure as they come. I came to the same conclusion today that I did at the end of that run a couple weeks ago. I am grateful.
I'm grateful that I am strong and healthy enough to run. When I first got involved with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society over 4 years ago, I had no personal connection to cause. At that point I'd only met one person who had a blood cancer and that was when I was a kid. And that's reason, I got involved. Because no doctor had ever had to look at me and tell me my child was sick. I have no idea how it feels to have to take my child for cancer treatments every week for 3 years (standard treatment for a boy with Leukemia). And for that I'm extremely grateful. When I want to give up on a crappy run or feel like this is the worst possible day (this one is particularly crappy), I remind myself that I'm lucky. And I continue to beg and plead with my friends to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, so that when a mom gets the unthinkable news that her child has cancer or when a coworker's mom gets diagnosed with a blood cancer I know that there's an organization fighting for a cure. Please join me in fighting for a cure by making a donation on my team in training page.
I realize that you aren't supposed to ask a woman how much she weighs. I'm sure there's an etiquette person somewhere frowning on me because I'm about to disclose my weight here. But I need to. I need to say it out loud, to see it written and for the accountability that comes with sharing that I have weight to lose.
The number I'm going to post will probably be surprising. Every time I tell someone they look at me like I'm a crazy person. But I promise it's real. I had a fitness assessment two weeks ago today. And I couldn't ignore the number that glared back at me. I can hear some of you in my head telling me that I look fine or even pretty. And I know some of you will rush to tell me that a lot of it is muscle because I run so much. That is true. But I can't claim it's all muscle. Just like I can't blame it on being leftover pregnancy weight (wait maybe I could, I mean Jesse is only 12).
The truth is I've always struggled with my weight. Not in a huge way, but in smaller ways. I've never been extremely overweight, but I've always had a little extra. And for the past several years it has crept up 2 and 3 pounds a year. Last year was more like 5 - 7 pounds. Yes, it was a very stressful year, but I can't keep buying in to these excuses or I'll never reach my goal.
I'd like to point out that I don't have an unrealistic body image. I know that I'm not out of shape or obese. But I also know that I want more for myself. And I want to free up the time I spend worrying about losing 20 pounds to do other things. As importantly, I want to run faster. Besides speedwork, I know losing weight is probably the best way to get faster.
So here it is - I weigh 188 pounds. The scale actually said 190, but 2 pounds were subtracted for my clothes and shoes. It is interesting that, while I haven't lost a lot of weight from running, I have changed shapes. I've worn a size 10 jeans for the last 8 years. When I had Jesse, I weighed somewhere in the range of 195. I can't believe I've let myself get this close to how much I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant. It's unacceptable.
Food is my problem. Clearly, I burn plenty of calories running and working out. The problem is I know how hard I work and how many calories I burn, so I have no problem justifying a dessert or two. For the last two weeks, I've been tracking my calories and let me tell you, it's pretty obvious how I gained weight. Tracking food has definitely lead me to making better choices. And I've lost a couple pounds already.
During the fitness assessment, I also learned good things about my self. My level of cardio endurance is better than about 90% of my peers. I also have really strong core muscles. However, my percent of body fat was not pretty. I'm also about as flexible as a steel beam, but that I blame on genetics.
The first goal I've given myself is to weigh 175 on October 20 (the day of my next marathon). By the end of 2013 I want to weigh 165. And my final goal would be in the 150s by March 2014. I have other goals like eat 3 servings of vegetables a day. Some of you will say that seems easy, but track your veggie intake for a few days (and no fries don't count) you just might be surprised.
Speaking of marathons, I need some help. I ran my first marathon in 2011 as a part of Team in Training (TNT). I loved it. The support on the course from other TNT people was outstanding. I felt like I had a personal cheer team the whole race. But more importantly, I helped raise money to find a cure for blood cancers. All funds raised through TNT go to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's mission - to cure blood cancer and give support to patients. My personal goal is to raise $5,000 by the Nike Women's marathon. Please support me and LLS by making a donation here.
